By Marc Corsini
With Father’s Day coming up, I thought I’d share something I once shared with my own boys on Father’s Day. It’s a letter I wrote to them when I was in my 40s. I wanted to communicate some life lessons I had learned, and I wrote this down in case God pulled my lottery number and I became a winner called to heaven before they became adults. The letter contains advice they would need to play “the man game” once they graduated from college and entered the real world. And now, years later, Nicholas, 27, and Matthew still have their letters.
Editors Note: This letter has been condensed slightly for space reasons. For the full letter visit otmj.com.
You are finally an adult. I know you’ve looked forward to this for a long time, and ‘officially’ you are a man with all the privileges and responsibilities that go along with that. But remember: The ‘man game’ isn’t the easiest thing in the world to play. Just when you think you have it figured out, the game changes in many forms—marriage, children, jobs, new cities, health issues, aging parents, neighbors, money, etc. You’ll have to deal with these changes while navigating the many challenges of daily life, while staying true to yourself, while striving to always do the right thing.
I’ve thought long and hard about 10 things to consider as you move forward. This advice is coming from your dad who only wants the best for you, and it’s coming from a guy with years of ‘man game’ experience. Like all men, I’ve experienced life’s lofty highs and extremely deep lows. I’ve had my fair share of wins and losses and draws in the ‘man game.’
First, know that you can achieve anything you want in life if you are willing to pay the price. In my lifetime, I’ve seen our country’s first African American president. I’ve seen the founder of an online shopping company become one of the wealthiest people in the world. I’ve seen average athletes become franchise players. I’ve seen boys from broken homes grow up to become fabulous fathers and loving husbands. You just have to decide what you want to achieve in life and be willing to work like hell over a long period of time to achieve it.
Guard your integrity and reputation with all your might. A friend told me years ago that all you really have in life is your reputation. A man can have an impeccable reputation for 50 years, and it all can come crashing down because of one poor decision. Never, never let down your guard. Never.
Life isn’t fair, but it’s good. No, life isn’t fair. Some people are given things without having to work for them. Some people get more breaks than others. Some are downright lucky. Life is what you make of it. Remember that life is a gift from God, and each day should be appreciated—no matter how tough it might be sometimes.
Marry for life. I was single for the first 37 years of my life. I always said, ‘I’d rather be single for the right reasons than married for the wrong reasons.’ So, I waited until I found my true-life partner—and until I had enough ‘man game’ experience to understand who I was and what I wanted in life. It took me a lot of years to get to know ‘me.’ Make sure you know ‘you’ before you consider creating an ‘us.’ Enter marriage with a lifelong commitment that you won’t break. Marriage takes a lot of work. But during the inevitable low times, you must believe you have no other option than to work things out.
Learn to juggle. Strive to maintain balance in all aspects of your life. The secret to a happy, fulfilling life is learning how to juggle the different ‘balls of life’—work, family, health, integrity and faith. The importance of each ‘ball’ changes as the ‘man game’ progresses. Sometimes it’s work that you need to keep high in the air; other times it’s family. Ultimately for me, it was realizing the importance of God in my life. Learn to keep your eyes on all the balls—they all are simply too important to let shatter.
Always ask yourself: ‘What’s the right thing to do?’ Remember, there is no right way to do the wrong thing. When faced with a big decision, you should ask and answer that question three times. By taking the time to really think it through and consider all the consequences of your actions, you’ll be more certain to do the right thing. Of course, doing the right thing usually means doing the harder, more complicated thing—as opposed to an easier option.
Always—and I mean always—rely upon a small group of friends, mentors, coaches and trusted advisors. Left to yourself, you’ll be more likely to make mistakes. When I’ve tried to make life’s toughest decisions without a support group, I usually missed the prize. Surround yourself with mentors who are confident enough and strong enough to give you the real truth.
Trust in God. Let God in your life. He is there waiting for you. If you make yourself the center of the universe, your universe will eventually collapse. Never underestimate the power of prayer.
Whatever you decide to do in life, do your best. Winning isn’t everything, but doing your best is. My only real regrets in life have come when I didn’t give something my all. If you give it your best and you lose to someone else, see it as a positive, as a learning experience.
“When there’s no wind, row.” Opportunity, success and positive things happen when you do something—not when you are on the sidelines or sitting in the stands during the ‘man game.’ So, when you find yourself out of that game, do something.
I wish you much success, good health and abundant happiness in all you do. May your ‘man game’ bring you much joy, peace, hope, wisdom and humility.
