I lost my dad in 2002.
He was a humble man in many regards. At his funeral, it was said by many that he was ahead of his time in fathering. What they meant was that he was an involved dad.
My mother did not love the “baby stage” my brother, sister and I went through. She preferred more developed human beings. My dad knew this and stepped up to the plate. He diapered, did midnight feedings with a bottle, got up early and did his fair share of meal prep and cleanup. This was not always typical of fathers in the ‘50s and ‘60s.
One thing he made sure we all knew growing up was that my mom came first and the kids came second. Neither of my parents lived their lives through the window of their offspring. This is not one of my Five Things, but it was a valuable lesson to us all. I believe our two daughters have followed in this with their husbands and young offspring.
As my senior year in college was coming to a close, my parents came to campus and took me out for dinner. It was not exactly what you would call a graduation celebration. My father took the opportunity to give me a “Welcome to Real Life” soliloquy. He talked, I listened. He covered some of what is below and much more about personal responsibility, accountability and avoiding major, life-altering mistakes.
The five things below are something I have shared with nieces, nephews and my own children. If I live long enough, grandchildren will be next. These are in no particular order.
• Be known for what you do, not what you say you will do. This should be self-explanatory, but how often do we follow this advice? We tell our kids to do something a certain way and then they see us contradicting ourselves. We teach and preach the Golden Rule. Do we adhere to it ourselves? Perhaps they hear us telling someone we will do something and we don’t follow through. In the end, people simply remember us for what we actually did. What else is there?
• When you search for a company to work for, look for the best in their field for product and work environment. My dad’s point was that the reputation of that company will shed light, or dark, on me. I believe this is called the Halo Effect. The very first company I worked for turned out to be a “bright light” in their field. Whenever people saw it on my resume it made me look better than I probably was.
• Never co-sign on a note. If this isn’t obvious to you already, please take “note” of it now. An exception might be a child, but even that depends on the child. The fact that someone needs a co-signer means they are a credit risk so now you are putting your credit at risk. It is entirely possible my dad learned this the hard way early in life. He didn’t say.
• Don’t spend more than you make. I know this sounds un-American, but once you get in a hole it is hard to get out. As I write this, credit card debt is at an all-time high again. We put groceries on a credit card we don’t intend to pay off that month. My starting salary for my first full-time job in 1976 was $9,900 – a year. That is not a typo. My parents helped me write something of a budget which had to include at least a little put into savings regularly. I did not have a car when I graduated from college, so I needed to purchase one. Pontiac, a now extinct brand, made a car called a Firebird. Very sporty. It was $5,400 brand new. I could fit the car payments into my budget with pretty much nothing to spare. I opted for a 3-year-old Chevy Vega that was $900. My car payments were $43 a month. Good decision.
• Never stop being a student. This could also be read as ‘stay curious.’ This tidbit of advice is multi-faceted in benefits. First of all, you will be more valuable as an employee or business owner if you are always learning. Second, it will make you a more interesting person when in the company of others.
Being a father never stops. I sought my dad’s advice even into his final years. I often fail in following his example. God gave most of us two parents because each one brings essential skills to the position. My dad never achieved fame or fortune, just the lifelong admiration of his wife and three children.
Side note: Thank you to all the veterans who have served our country. My dad loved Memorial Day (he called it Decoration Day, the original name) and made sure our flag was flying. He knew the sacrifices. If you have watched the Apple+ series Masters of the Air, you have some idea of what my 22-year-old father went through. He was a first lieutenant navigator on a B-17 bomber flying missions over Germany in 1944-‘45. I now have some idea of what he saw and why he never (ever) talked about it.
