By Sue Murphy
When I told my granddaughter that I had spent the afternoon wrapping, her eyes went wide. “Like a song?” she whispered. No, I assured her, nothing as scary as all that. A grandmother who raps? That’s enough to shake you to your very foundation.
Later that day, however, I thought…well, why not? And so here it is, with sincere apologies to my granddaughter: my Wrapping Rap. Since I cannot be there in person to provide the beat box, you’ll have to improvise.
I shopped online and I went to the store.
Now all the presents are stretched out the door.
Sweaters and board games and stuff like that,
And now, friends and neighbors, they gotta be wrapped.
Wrapped, wrapped, they gotta be wrapped.
Every last one of them gotta be wrapped.
Santa has it covered, but he’s got elves.
All of my presents gotta wrap myself.
Shoulda bought gift cards, shoulda bought less.
When the store said, “Wrap?, I shoulda said, “Yes!”
I didn’t so I’m here now with a king-sized stack,
And all these presents gotta be wrapped.
Wrapped, wrapped, they gotta be wrapped.
Every last one of them gotta be wrapped.
Did I go gift bag? Oh, heck no.
I didn’t even buy a bag of stick-on bows.
Three kinds of paper, matching labels,
All stretched across the dining room table.
Wrapping up a grill pan and a wine carafe,
A pop-up tent and a stuffed giraffe.
Barbie got a dream house, Batman got a car.
My sister up in Sandwich got a candle in a jar.
Wrapped, wrapped, they gotta be wrapped.
All these presents gotta be wrapped.
I cut and I folded and I taped and I swore
‘Til the gifts were all done. There weren’t any more.
But just when I thought I had the whole thing licked
I remembered that most of it had to be shipped.
Drop the mike. Time for some cocoa reinforcements.
