By Sue Murphy
Attention, happy summer camper! Park your skateboard! Deflate that duck-winged floatie! Load ‘em up and move ‘em out, mister! You’re headed back to school.
Actually, you have a few weeks left, but it is time to gather up your supplies. All summer, all you’ve needed was some high-power SPF and a beach towel. But now you’re going to need paper and pencils and apparently one of those fidget things for when you simply cannot take one more minute of the Panama Canal.
Of course, your teacher may have other ideas about the fidget thing. It remains a teacher’s prerogative to dictate what will and will not be seen in your see-through book bag this season. At the end of last school year, when she could not take one more minute of students who were fidgeting through the Panama Canal, she drew up an exhaustive supply list that is now posted in every drugstore and discount mart in the city.
My grandson is going into third grade this year (can you believe it?) and his teacher is asking for a three ring binder, loose leaf paper, and … wait for it … real, non-erasable pens. It’s all very exciting. His pre-K sister is equally excited about her big chunky crayons and scissors that will cut paper but not poke your neighbor in the eye.
Learning is serious business and you must have the right tools. If you were going to Hogwarts School of Wizardry, you’d need a wand, a cauldron and an owl to carry your mail. I’m guessing that the X-Men school supply list is different depending on your particular talent, like if you were a being who could control the weather, you’d need snow boots and a rain bonnet. If you were like Wolverine, I’d say heavy gloves or maybe those rubber caps people put on their knitting needles.
Plumbing degree candidates will need rubber gloves and a big pair of hip waders.
It’s amazing how many jobs require gloves. Doctors, nurses, ultrasound technicians, landscape workers, waste management professionals. People who ice cakes, people who restore artwork, people who handle rare books at the library. Everyone will be stocking up on gloves. (Note to self: buy stock in a glove company.)
I recently learned that military supply stores are places where mere mortals can buy castoff uniforms, etc., which was a relief because I was picturing a supply list that read, “Welcome to the U.S. Military. Please report to Camp Courage at 0600 hours and bring the following: one helmet, one bazooka, 10 rounds of ammunition, one grenade.” It may sound silly, but who knows what will happen with the next round of budget cuts?
Children will report to their schools with backpacks loaded with their designated supplies. When the dismissal bell rings, however, they will toss their backpacks and retrieve their gym bags. Oh yes, after the curricular comes the extracurricular, which means another list of supplies. Gymnasts will need a leotard and giant hair bow. Dance students will have a frillier leotard and special shoes. Karate students don’t need shoes; their bags will be filled with a mouth guard and headgear and a waiver to sign in case the mouth guard and headgear fall short. Luckily, all piano students will need is their sheet music and hours and hours of previous practice. (Trust me, you can’t fake it. I tried.)
So, clear the sand and beach chairs out of your trunk, me lovelies. You have a busy year ahead of you, so plan and pack accordingly. And no fidgeting. The Panama Canal isn’t that bad. You can do it. ❖
