By Laura McAlister
Journal Editor
She may refer to them as trolls and little wretches, but really she loves them as only a mother could.
Melinda Rainey Thompson is referring to her teenagers, of course. She has three of them, and the chaotic lives they live is the topic of the Homewood resident’s newest book, “I’ve Had It Up to Here with Teenagers.”
The book is Melinda’s fourth. Like her other three, the newest is a collection of humorous essays — only instead of the humor being at her expense, Melinda admits this one also pokes a little fun at her teens.
But, hey, after doing piles of their laundry, cooking their meals and waiting for them to come home during the wee hours of the night – she’s earned it, she jokes.
“It’s G-rated humor,” Melinda said. “It’s always been at my expense. This one is kind of at them.
“My oldest son did write a rebuttal. The other two just couldn’t be bothered with it.”
Warner, the 18-year-old son of Melinda and her husband, Judge William Thompson, wrote the final chapter in “I’ve Had It Up to Here with Teenagers.” The two who “couldn’t be bothered with it” are Nat, 16, and Lily, 13.
This book, like her other ones, is based on her real-life stories. She said it’s not meant to be a parenting book, though it could serve as a warning to mothers with young children.
“I was good with the little ones,” Melinda reminisced. “I could control them. Now, I’m up waiting for the little wretches to get in at curfew.”
Teenagers have minds of their own and constantly question their parents, unlike their younger counterparts, Melinda said.
Chapters in “I’ve Had It Up to Here with Teenagers” include “Curfew Conundrums” as well as topics like the ever-growing piles of laundry and that not-so-fabulous attitude often associated with teens.
The book also tackles some areas even Melinda – an outgoing writer, public speaker and former Birmingham-Southern College professor – was a bit uncomfortable discussing. As for her teens, they were downright adamant this topic not be included in the book.
In the end, Melinda’s publisher, John F. Blair Publisher, won out, and there is a chapter on dating and sex.
“When I turned the first manuscript in, my editor said there is a glaring omission,” she said. “There’s nothing about dating and sex. There was a lot of negotiating, but we came up with an agreement, and that’s where ‘Leave a Light On’ came in.”
Melinda’s three teens took the rest of the book in stride, she said, and were actually pretty good sports about it.
Melinda said it was only fair to let them have their say in the end.
All three had the opportunity to take part in the final chapter, “The Rebuttal.” Only Warner took on the challenge, and he already has his mother’s same humorous writing style.
“I liked his chapter,” Melinda said. “I thought it was very honest. I am very much the Kim Jong-il of the household. I always say, when you’re 40 I’m interested in what you have to say about my parenting.”
Warner chastises his mom for her name calling.
“I note she frequently uses nouns like wretch, sneak, troll and rodent to describe the delightful children she gave birth to,” he writes. “I ask you, is that nice? I think that’s actually preteen behavior, don’t you? Very immature, Mother.”
Of course, Melinda has her reasons for such name calling, which she discusses in the previous chapters.
“They accidently grow into these entitlement monsters,” Melinda said of teenagers. “They really see us as the staff. Prom was last weekend. It was like getting a bill for, let’s just say a lot of money.”
Though motherhood has its ups and downs, especially with teens, Melinda said it’s by far the greatest job she’s ever had. In the end she can’t complain – she can only laugh.
“You get birthdays and fun days,” she said of motherhood. “But you also get vomit and waiting up late at night.”
Melinda’s other books include “SWAG: Southern Women Aging Gracefully,” “The SWAG Life” and “I Love You – Now Hush.” They follow the same witty style with essays from Melinda’s day-to-day life. She said all her books can be read a chapter at a time and are meant to be timeless for all ages.
Though she said she feels like each book will be her last, Melinda suspects she does have at least one more in her. But as always, motherhood is her priority.
“It truly is the most important job you’ll ever do,” she said, “to produce taxpaying citizens, not just ones sitting there in your basement.”
